What the Hell, Pinterest?

2:00 AM

Dear Pinterest,

I don't understand what you want from me.  It's really hard to tell when you have just as many recipes with bacon as pictures of fitness models.  Can I have abs and carbs?  Is that a thing?  I'm pretty sure that isn't a thing.  And how the hell am I supposed to dress?  Classy?  Preppy? Flirty?  Can everyone pull off a bandeau and maxi skirt? Can I pull it off?  Maybe if I would stop eating your bacon recipes, I could pull off all of your stunning looks.  Speaking of which, I'm not sure why you have to lie to everyone.  It isn't actually that easy to do a smokey eye.  I look like a drug addict with insomnia when I try.  And my messy bun looks like I just haven't brushed my hair in weeks, and then gave up when I tried to put it in a ponytail.  So cool, thanks.  I have another questions  I've seen your cute puppies and hot men.. can I have those?  Is that a package deal, or can I pick which species of puppy I want?  Does the guy automatically come with a perfect body and heartmelting dates, or is that not part of the package?  I just need to know what I'm getting myself into.

You've left me with a lot of turmoil, and sometimes I want leave you.  But then you post the cutest idea for gifts for teachers, and I need to pin that just in case I have kids in ten years.  You just never know when you're going to need that stuff.  The only problem is that when I offer to give you just one more chance, you suck me back in again.  I pin adorable nail designs, decadent chocolate cakes, head-turning outfits, workout playlists, and baby shower themes all night long.  So do I know where I'm going with life?  No.  But I know what I want to wear in July and I know how I'm going to reveal my future child's gender.  I'm going to have a fabulous top knot and future Samantha is going to host grand holiday parties with hot man and cute pup.

Clearly I've had a break from reality.  I think we need a break.  If you need me, I'll be with Netflix.


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  1. If it helps at all, bacon wrapped chicken is one of the best ways I know to secure your boyfriend for the rest of your life. Bradley will never leave me now that I've served that up. ;)