Seven Reasons I'll Never Be a Real Adult

12:00 AM

one. because I kind of think that eating in my bedroom and sometimes even in my bed is acceptable. the other day I panicked because I thought there was mystery blood on my bed and then I remembered that it was from a popsicle. don't worry, I do keep my room clean. sometimes I just really want popcorn and Netflix in bed.

two. speaking of food, I do consider ramen, cherry coke, and reese's cups to be a decent meal. when I'm feeling like I need a solid meal, I turn to chicken nuggets and french fries. it's protein and vegetables and I don't know what else you expect from me. when I do make my own food at home, it's probably some pizza-derivative. actually now that I think about it, pizza rolls don't count as homemade.

three. if I'm tired I will throw a fit and I will cry. actually, I think adults call it having a mental breakdown. I'm not proud of who I am, but it's the truth. and I'm really good at blowing things out of proportion when I'm tired. also I refuse to sleep when I should and I like to take naps when it's really inconvenient. basically, I just don't have a healthy relationship with sleep.

four. you know that whole instant gratification thing? I never really grew out of it. in my defense, I do make my own decisions and make my own purchases. if I see something I want, I usually just grab it. if I don't get it, it sometimes makes me feel really anxious. now that I think of it, that's probably just an internal version of a fit.

five. stereotypically, kids also have bad relationships with animals. like "hey kitty, pay attention to me right now. no wait why don't you like me? please come back or I'll chase you. that's it, I'm chasing you. NO YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO CHASE BACK! HELP!" I can't be trusted around anything cute. if it's something I'm not supposed to touch, I will make sure there is still attention drawn to it. who knows how many times Paul has had to hear me say "look it's a wittle pup!"

six. have you seen me try to dress myself or do my hair? it's pretty much a list cause. I still dress the same as I did when I was in kindergarten anyways. rompers and crop tops came back, and yes I wore crop tops because I lived in Hawaii when I was younger and it was cute.

seven. I will scream if I get something icky on me or if there's a bug near me which qualifies as something icky. the other night I had a pretty intense match with a silverfish. I know they're like the size of a thumbnail, but they're disgusting and he was in my bed and I sleep there and it's mine. after putting on a disposable glove and panicking and using an entire roll of toilet paper to kill him, I flushed him and then was worried he somehow survived and would come back to get me

So even though I'm going to be 21 in a month, I will probably never grow up. The habits that I've had since I was a child have just stuck with me and adopted new adult names, like mental breakdowns and poor nutrition. I still watch cartoons and Disney movies. I have a bad habit of personifying inanimate objects and narrating everything that dogs do. Maybe being 21 will finally change that... Lolz probs not.
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